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Dating Suggestions and Guidelines #2

Following are answers to questions asked of parents who currently have children of dating ages:

Thoughts from parents of three and four children

1. What dating guidelines do/did you have for your son or daughter? Our children (both sons and daughter) had to be 16- years-old prior to any dating.

(1) Date in groups at age 16, date alone at age 17 - but discouraged dating until college. Emphasize family, sporting youth groups, camps - dating can wait. (2) Date no one more than one grade apart.

2. How do/did you show your children you trust them, but that you were also protecting them?

We gave them guidelines such as, call home whenever they reached their destination, call home if their destination changed according to their original plans, call home if you are going to be late, etc. Our kids knew that we trusted them because it was always stressed to them how much we trusted. The guidelines were in place for each member of our family including my husband and me, for protection and courtesy for the family members who were at home waiting. I think if my husband and I didn't set the example and follow the guidelines ourselves, it could have been misinterpreted for a "trust issue."

3. What kind of conversations do/did you have with your children say starting in the 5th grade? Conversations about a lot of issues. Conversations were never planned, but were spontaneous in response to what ever happened that day. Play fair, treasure friendships, do what is pleasing to the Lord.

My wife took the girls - I have no idea what they talked about and don't want to know! I took the boys. Used a book put out by the Lutherans. When kids were younger. There is a talk you must have when they are real young (grade 4) and a talk you have when they are on the cusp of puberty.

4. Do/ did you ever pray with your children about the person they would marry? No, I don't recall ever praying with my children about the person they would marry (missed opportunity). However, I have prayed for each one of their perspective spouses for years.

5. Any advice, ideas, etc. you have found to be very helpful when dealing with dating with your children? Always meet the young lady/man and have a chat with him/her and let them get to know you. They needed to know that they are not just dating your child, but they are dating a whole family. It's a package deal.

Listen to your kids and sympathize with their disagreement about your decisions but stick to them and though you're afraid to lead, do it anyway. If kids are in a poor relationship ask their permission to speak freely and help them to see their need to make a change.