Dads!

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Dating Suggestions and Guidelines #3.

Following are answers to questions asked of parents who currently have children of dating ages:

Thoughts from parents of two and five children

1. What dating guidelines do/did you have for your son or daughter? We wanted to meet the girl our son was dating and know who she is, they are not allowed to be ALONE somewhere. My husband and I talked to the girl’s parents and made sure it was ok, that they were dating! Communication with parents and kids!

Our girls were not allowed to go on ‘real dates' (one on one) until they were 16. This was never questioned because they knew from age 8 that it was a rule. Even then we encouraged group dating. A boy was also not to be more than 2 years older. It went without saying that he should share our biblical beliefs. They were however, allowed to go to dances at a younger age. (They weren't 'pick you up' dates). They also know they can always use one of us to 'back out' of an uncomfortable situation (mom please tell him I'm not allowed to go).

2. How do/did you show your children you trust them, but that you were also protecting them? Well, we let them go on group dates (bowling, movies), for a SHORT period of time.

To show protection and trust at the same time is tricky. Most of the time we just keep very open communication. I recently told my daughter the reason she could not be at home unattended with her guy. It wasn't an issue of trust, but helping to keep temptation away. After explaining it that way, she felt fine about it. We have had pretty explicit talks, starting at around 12 years old. Nothing is off limits—sex, drugs, my past, and certainly my opinions. We use the Bible as a reference, as well as my own mistakes. It's all very blunt, but loving. They know what we expect and what God expects. They also know that we will love them anyway no matter what. I think this gives them the freedom to talk so openly. We have already started to talk to youngest son about respecting girls and why God has put them here. They all know sex is a great thing under the proper circumstances. Our kids know we pray for their future spouses. Also the whole dating thing has pretty much been a 'family' thing. You don't date someone who doesn't like your siblings or parents. When one girl has 'boy' trauma, it becomes everyone's concern and we have family meetings at the fire. Each child knows they are safe and can confide in the other sibling.

3. What kind of conversations do/did you have with your children say starting in the 5th grade? Gave examples of kids (including our own family) who made poor choices about sex, etc. Many conversations about sex.

4. Do/ did you ever pray with your children about the person they would marry? Not necessarily with them but we have prayed for them and we talked to them about marrying a Christian spouse. Gave examples about family that have married non believers or even Catholic faith and the differences that these couples are having in their lives and now especially raising kids.

5. Any advice, ideas, etc. you have found to be very helpful when dealing with dating with your children? Talking about our past experiences and our failures.

6. How did you help your child’s navigate their failure to comply or disagreement with your dating standards? We tried to set clear rules and guidelines and tried to stick with it. I remember my son wanting to go out on a double “friend date” in the 7th/8th grade and we said wait a few more months. He was mad but he got over it.